5 Most Common Pitfalls of the Au Pair Program and How To Avoid Them

The Pitfall: Expectations that are not in line with the realities of the au pair program can lead to disappointment on both sides. Some host families might expect a young au pair to perform at the level of a professional nanny, cleaner, or cook. Conversely, some au pairs may focus solely on the travel and social aspects of their stay, feeling reluctant to integrate with the family and contribute to daily responsibilities.

How to Avoid It:

• Evaluate the au pair program: If as a host family, what you need is a helping hand, you have time to offer patient guidance, and you enjoy opening your home to a young person, then the program is for you. If you are looking for professional childcare or a spotless home, then this program is not the best option.
• Set Realistic Goals: If as an au pair, you are looking to grow, take on new challenges, explore a new culture and you genuinely love working with children, then the program could be for you. If your main goal is to earn money or start a new life in Europe, then the au pair program is not likely to offer what you are looking for.
• Discuss Priorities Early: During the initial agreement, have an honest conversation about lifestyle expectations, responsibilities, and the balance between work and leisure.
• Align Aspirations: Ensure that the au pair understands the commitment required by the family, and ensure that as a host family, you recognize the limitations and strengths of a young au pair.

The Pitfall: One of the most frequently reported issues occurs when host families gradually ask au pairs to take on extra "small tasks" beyond the agreed-upon responsibilities. Initially, an au pair might agree to these additional duties out of a desire to help or because they feel unable to say no. Over time, however, these tasks can pile up, leading to frustration and burnout.

How to Avoid It:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly define the scope of responsibilities — primarily childcare and light household tasks — right from the start, and include these details in the weekly schedule and contract.
• Schedule Regular Check-ins: Arrange periodic meetings, such as a weekly family meeting with the au pair, to discuss the workload, satisfaction, and make any necessary adjustments. If the schedule needs to be revised, a new version must be submitted to the agency within 2 working days.
• Encourage Open Communication: Empower the au pair to voice concerns if they begin to feel overwhelmed. Empathy and compromise may be needed on both sides.

The Pitfall: Misunderstandings often occur when duties, working hours, house rules or expectations aren't clearly communicated. This can be especially challenging when it comes to the responsibilities of raising children, such as handling discipline. Without receptive listening and a structured process for offering guidance, both the host family and the au pair may have different interpretations of their roles.

How to Avoid It:

• Review the family rules and guidelines: Meet together face-to-face to discuss what these guidelines and house rules mean. Discuss how each person feels about the proposed guidelines regarding phone use during working hours, playdates, screen time limits for the kids, guests in the home, etc.
• Establish Open Channels: Create a routine for regular communication — such as weekly meetings — to discuss duties, expectations, and any issues related to childcare and discipline.
• Provide Guidance on Childcare: Host parents should offer consistent support and clear guidance on raising the children, including approaches to discipline. Remember that every person in a child's life has a unique relationship with them — the au pair's interaction with children will be distinct from the parents'.
• Receptive Listening: Foster an environment where both the host family and the au pair practice receptive listening, ensuring that concerns are heard and addressed promptly. Keeping a cool head when faced with differences of opinion is crucial.

The Pitfall: A common challenge arises when host families expect the au pair to be available during their free time — such as staying home to babysit while the family goes out — even if the children are asleep. This not only infringes on the au pair's deserved rest or cultural exchange time, but can also lead to exceeding the legal work limits (no more than 30 hours per week or 8 hours per day).

How to Avoid It:

• Respect Scheduled Free Time: Honor the au pair's agreed-upon days off and free hours, ensuring they have adequate time for personal activities and cultural exploration.
• Discuss Family Outings: Doing weekend activities together is part of the cultural exchange, but make sure these activities are beneficial to both parties. A family outing to an attraction is a benefit of the program, but attending a birthday party where the au pair is expected to prepare food, manage children and clean up is working time.
• Plan Ahead: If the family needs to be out during what is otherwise free time, consider arranging alternative childcare so that the au pair is not compelled to work outside the agreed schedule.

The Pitfall: A successful au pair experience relies heavily on mutual respect, support, and integration into the family culture. When the host family fails to treat the au pair as an equal member of the household, or neglects their privacy and personal space, the relationship can become strained. When an au pair is not prepared to adapt to a new cultural environment, it presents significant challenges for their success.

How to Avoid It:

• Foster a Respectful Environment: All members of the household should treat the au pair as an equal. This includes educating the host children to respect the au pair. Au pairs must also be respectful of the family home, belongings and personal space.
• Cultural Differences: Be prepared to accommodate cultural variation. As a host, you can offer support by making sure the au pair has access to tastes from home, and ensuring a stable internet connection in the au pair's room for video calls home.
• As an au pair, remember that this is a cultural exchange program — you must be open to learn new things, such as riding a Dutch bike, accepting the cold and rainy weather, and being open to Dutch lifestyle and ways of raising kids.
• Protect Privacy: The au pair's room is their private space and must not be repurposed for other functions. Personal belongings should not be used by the children without permission. Au pairs should always ask before borrowing something and should never invite someone to the family home without permission.
• Use Our Support Network: Sunshine au pairs and host families have access to a wealth of resources provided by our agency. Events and social media groups provide opportunities to meet other au pairs. Your program manager at Sunshine is available to help you navigate any challenges.
• Offer Consistent Feedback: Regularly check in with each other. Remember that praise is often a more effective tool than only criticism. When the au pair has made an effort to arrange a special activity with your child, make sure it is recognised. This way, things are much more likely to continue in a positive direction.