Homesickness: How to Support Your Au Pair Through It

By Sunshine Au Pair · Published April 2026 · 5 min read

Almost every au pair experiences homesickness at some point. It's not a sign that something has gone wrong — it's a completely normal response to leaving behind everything familiar. How you respond as a host family can make the difference between a tough week and a genuine crisis. Here's what to look for and how to help.

Recognising the Signs

Homesickness doesn't always look like tears and sadness. Sometimes it shows up as withdrawal — your au pair spending more time alone in their room, excessive video-calling with family back home, or a sudden drop in energy and enthusiasm. Other times it presents as irritability, difficulty sleeping, or a loss of appetite.

These signs often peak around two to four weeks after arrival, once the initial excitement fades and the reality of daily life in a new country sets in. A second wave can hit around holidays or birthdays when the distance from home feels most acute. Being aware of these patterns means you can offer support before things escalate.

What Helps: Practical Steps

The most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge it. A simple "I can imagine you must miss your family — that's completely normal" validates their feelings without making it a problem to solve. Many au pairs feel embarrassed about being homesick, especially if they think it might worry their host family or suggest they're ungrateful.

Beyond acknowledgment, practical support matters. Help them build a social life outside your household — encourage them to attend Sunshine Au Pair events, language courses, or local meetups. Having friends who understand the au pair experience is one of the strongest protections against prolonged homesickness.

What Doesn't Help

Avoid dismissing their feelings with well-meaning phrases like "You'll get used to it" or "Just keep busy." These can make your au pair feel unheard. Similarly, restricting their phone time or suggesting they call home less often usually backfires — contact with family is a lifeline, not the cause of homesickness.

Don't take it personally either. If your au pair seems down, it almost certainly isn't about your family. They can love their placement and still ache for home. These feelings coexist, and making space for both is key.

When to Involve Your Program Manager

Most homesickness resolves within a few weeks as your au pair settles into routines and builds connections. But if the sadness persists, deepens, or starts affecting their ability to care for the children, it's time to involve your Sunshine Au Pair program manager. They're experienced in supporting au pairs through adjustment challenges and can offer additional resources, mediation, or one-on-one conversations in a neutral setting.

Early intervention is always better. A quick call to your program manager at the first signs of struggle isn't overreacting — it's responsible hosting. The earlier support is offered, the more likely the placement succeeds.

It Usually Gets Better

Here's the reassuring truth: most au pairs look back on the homesick period as a brief bump in an otherwise incredible year. The ones who push through it often say it made them stronger, more independent, and more appreciative of both their home culture and their Dutch experience. Your patience and warmth during this time is one of the greatest gifts you can give.