The First Day with Your Au Pair: How to Set the Tone for a Great Year
Your au pair has arrived. The permit is sorted, the room is ready, and now a young person from another country is standing in your hallway with a suitcase and a nervous smile. The first day together is one of the most important moments in the entire au pair experience — it shapes expectations, builds trust, and lays the groundwork for a successful year. Here's how to make it count.
Before They Arrive: Set Yourself Up for Success
Preparation starts well before the doorbell rings. Make sure your au pair's room feels welcoming — a few personal touches like fresh flowers, a welcome card from the children, or a small basket with Dutch essentials (a stroopwafel, an OV-chipkaart guide, a neighbourhood map) go a long way. It signals that they're not just an employee — they're becoming part of your family.
Have a loose schedule for the first few days written down. Not a rigid itinerary, but a clear outline: when meals happen, where things are in the house, what the children's routines look like. Structure reduces anxiety, especially when everything else is unfamiliar.
The Welcome: Keep It Warm, Not Overwhelming
It's tempting to cover every house rule and expectation on day one. Resist that urge. Your au pair is likely jetlagged, emotionally overwhelmed, and processing a brand-new environment. Focus on making them feel safe and included rather than delivering an information dump.
Give them a tour of the house, show them how the shower works, make sure they know the WiFi password (yes, really — this matters more than you'd think), and sit down for a relaxed meal together. Let the children be part of the welcome. If they've made a drawing or chosen a small gift, that creates an instant bond.
Save the detailed discussion about working hours, duties, and house rules for day two or three. A written handbook they can refer back to is far more effective than a verbal run-through when they've just stepped off a long flight.
Getting to Know Each Other: The Real Work Begins
The first week is less about childcare logistics and more about building a relationship. Spend time together as a family — cook a meal, take a walk through the neighbourhood, visit the local supermarket. These small, shared experiences help your au pair understand your family culture much better than any handbook.
Ask about their home, their family, what they enjoy doing. Share your own stories too. Cultural exchange is a two-way street, and showing genuine curiosity about their background sets the tone for the entire placement. Remember: they're likely homesick already, even if they don't show it. Small gestures of interest and warmth make a huge difference.
Introduce Responsibilities Gradually
Don't hand over full childcare responsibility on day one. Start with shadow days — let your au pair observe how you handle mornings, school runs, mealtimes, and bedtime routines. Then gradually step back. This approach gives them confidence and gives your children time to adjust too.
By the end of the first week, aim to have covered the essentials: working hours and schedule, the children's routines and any specific needs, house rules (cleaning expectations, use of kitchen, guests), emergency contacts, and how you prefer to communicate about day-to-day issues. Write it all down. Verbal agreements get forgotten or misremembered — a simple shared document prevents most early misunderstandings.
Set the Communication Pattern Early
The families that have the best au pair experiences are the ones that communicate openly from the start. Establish a weekly check-in — even 15 minutes over coffee — where you both share what's going well and what could be improved. Normalising this from week one means that when issues inevitably arise, there's already a comfortable space to address them.
Be direct but kind. Dutch directness can feel harsh to someone from a more indirect culture. Frame feedback constructively: "It would help if you could..." rather than "You're not doing this right." And be open to feedback yourself — your au pair may have observations about routines or the children that are genuinely useful.
Your Sunshine Au Pair program manager is available throughout the placement to help with any adjustment challenges. Don't wait until something becomes a big problem — reach out early.
The Bottom Line
The first day isn't about getting everything perfect. It's about creating a foundation of warmth, clarity, and mutual respect. Your au pair has made a brave choice to live in a new country with a family they've only met on video calls. Honouring that courage with genuine hospitality is the best investment you can make in a successful year together.
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